I am an intermittent insomniac. It’s usually pain related but once I’m even vaguely awake my brain uses it as an excuse to kick in big time and sleep throws its hands into the air and surrenders (what a wimp!!!)
I’ve long since learned not to stress about those nights as it only makes the insomnia worse so I just lie in the dark and let my thought frolic merrily around in my head knowing that my body, at least, is still resting.
Funnily enough, once it has done its job of waking me up and poking my little grey cells into a chaos of thinking, the pain in my back and hips slinks away to skulk in a corner until I either sit too long in my office chair or do too much of something physical. Typical!
Sometimes my thoughts coalesce into something quite startlingly intuitive or creative or just downright brilliant and I repeat them over and over again to myself so as not to forget them in the morning. In the quiet, still darkness of the wee small hours it seems eminently feasible that I will remember everything in just a few hours time but unfortunately this attempt at memory imprinting fails 99% of the time.
Like chasing a butterfly, the harder I try to remember what it was that was so startlingly clear in it’s brilliance at 3.23am, the more it eludes me and fades into the grey fuzz where those really great dreams you have also reside.
I don’t think it’s an age thing as dreams and night-time thoughts have always eluded me once my eyes open and my conscious mind takes over (you know, the sensible, logical part of your brain that thinks dreams and night thoughts are for children and la-la land inhabitants). Occasionally something during the day will trigger a memory and the dream or thought comes rushing out from the grey fuzz to present itself to my conscious mind with a “tadaahh!” or a “boo” not dissimilar to a naughty child jumping out from a hiding place and scaring the sh*t out of you!!!!
I’m really hoping this happens with my thoughts from last night’s bout of insomnia as, even though I say so myself, they were mind blowingly awesome but annoyingly now hidden in the depths of my subconscious mind, jealously guarded like Golum hanging onto his “Precioussssss.”
If they do appear I will, of course share their intuitive, awesome brilliance with you (unless of course they turn out to be, like a bad Tinder date, not as great as they first appeared to be in the wee small hours!) If that happens to be the case I will then apply that well known technique of selective memory and consign those thoughts to the “delete” folder of my mind.
If nothing else……. at least they gave me something to journal about today 🙂
Until next time, stay safe, have fun and live every moment you have on this beautiful planet of ours.